Debate Wears On

from The Onion

POINT-COUNTERPOINT

U.S. Out Of My Uterus
By Jessica Linden
It comes down to one thing: It's my body. Not Uncle Sam's, not Trent Lott's, not Pat Robertson's. Mine. Congress can demand a portion of my income, it can tell me how fast to drive, it can kill killers and anyone else it thinks it must to preserve a free and civil society. But my body—the skin, bones and organs that comprise me—is where the line gets drawn.
VS.

We Must Deploy Troops To Jessica Linden's Uterus Immediately
By Gen. William Patterson, U.S. Army
To protect America's interests, it is sometimes necessary to mobilize and deploy a military force. We now stand on the brink of such a time. The tactical importance of Jessica Linden's uterus to
national security is twofold: First, with its rich, fertile walls, this uterus is a vital source of future Americans. Second, the uterus is situated in an extremely strategic location, leaving it vulnerable to a hostile foreign power. This uterus must be given top priority by the Pentagon. Establishing a strong U.S. military presence in Jessica Linden's uterine region is by far the most sensible course of action.