And a hearty welcome back to your new home for hi jinx, profanity and morbid life commentary! It's been a crazy ride and one I'll never share the details of. This is going to have to be a bit of a do-over until I transfer my old postings here, so bear with me.

And while I've got your attention let me point you to the header of a frightening press release I just received:

"Please find attached below a press release on a universal smart card that will be issued to 5,000 firefighters and police officers in Maryland with funds provided by the U.S. Department of Homeland Security."

I think it was Our Lord, wasn't it, who remarked, "And the ones with the universal smart cards shall inherit the earth..."?

So I'm guessing this might seem innocuous. But really, how can these not evolve into "Get Out of Jail Free In All 50 States After I Fuck You Up" cards? Carte blanches, as those wacky French say. These universal smart cards, aka, "Us Not Them" cards are gonna be valuable someday. So readers, particularly the ones who are in the "Them" rather than the "Us" category: I suggest you find your nearest firefighter or police officer and make nice forthwith, if you haven't already. That card is going to carry a lotta weight when we become -- officially, at least -- a police state. Hunker down and be on the right team.