Well, hellooo there

On the elevator today, I dropped my sunglasses right on the elevator track as the doors were closing. I stared, immobile and unresponsive as they were about to be crushed. My co-passenger, a fine young gentleman in a suit, kicked up his foot and used his Italian shoes to stop the doors and save my $12 CVS purchase that often makes me look way hotter than I really am. I was so happy.
"This is the most exciting thing that is going to happen to me all day," I said, happily.
He laughed, a little, then paused. "Oh. That's depressing."

In other news, there are several great things to note:
On Saturday, Ridonkucris and Mermaid tied the knot. It was great fun, the weather was amazing, the friends I talked, danced and laughed with all made me remember that life is amazing, especially when you have people around you who aren't fucking ass holes. Plus, I got a free CD and a bottle of wine out of the deal. There was much laughter and even some tears. A shout out to the happy couple now honeymooning on the ocean. Will they blog while on their honeymoon? I think not. And yet, and yet, I double-dog-triple-dare them.

Now, as life settles back into the glacially slow and unhappy work routine, I will try to spend more time on this blog, sharing stories, postulations, rants, hypotheses, analysis and more on this, that and whatnot.

Thank you and goodnight.

P.S. Sean worried that he was responsible for my extended blog silence. Let's all remember that Porcupine can never be silenced by anyone! Except the vastness of her own paralyzing self doubt, so there!

Porcupine Index

Number white dudes at the Whole Foods who have spontaneously spoken to Porcupine in Hindi: 3
Number of collective piercings on those white dudes: at least six
Number of those white dudes who claim an Eastern religion: 3
Percent chance "Aaron" at the check out counter knows more about the Bhagavad Gita than Porcupine: 100
Number of times Aaron looked at Porcupine askance when she didn't recognize a Sanskrit word for "vegetarian": 2
Chances three white dudes, particularly "Aaron," exotify the East: 100
Number of times Porcupine was infuriated by the phenomenon known as flirtation-by-way-of cultural and religious appropriation: 0

"Buying the War"

Riveting start to finish. Knight Ridder's reporters as protagonists; Dick Cheney, leaking a story to the New York Times and then quoting from that story on a morning talk show (wow, liberals and conservatives agreeing - it must be true), Dan Rather holding David Letterman's hand and relinquishing skepticism entirely and that dick Tim Russert being a dick, as usual; invocation of mushroom clouds.

Four hours of Wikipedia

I have read Wikipedia for most of the day, today. I am addicted. I know the origins of flotsam and jetsam, what feudalism means (it's disputed!) what Indian Jats and Indo-Scythians are and, forgive me, details about teen heartthrob Adam Brody.
Remember in "Buffy" when Tara gets shot and Willow loses her mind seeking revenge, goes to the magic shop and puts her hand on a pile of dark magic books and you literally see the words go crawling up her arms and into her head... and her hair turns black?
My hair's black. But not in the evil way.

The Struggle

Tonight, in desperate need of a chat, I talked to my brother who is one of the nicer, gentler, kinder people in the universe, and he made me laugh a nice solid laugh about something I should laugh about more: Our upbringing, which was loosely based on the laws of the jungle.
So he's complaining because mom and I are going away this Saturday. This cuts into his plans for mom to make his favorite food on Saturday.
I suggest he ask her to make it on Friday so he can eat it later. He recoils at the idea. My mom always gives him a hard time about food requests, he alleges, and that hard time is only worth it if the food is fresh off the stove. (Aloo parathas for those in the know.)
"Mom never gives me a hard time when I ask for something," I say, not tauntingly, but curious-like.
"Yeah, I know. She hides food for you. Do we really want to open this pandora's box?"
Yes, yes I do.
"There's an underclass in this family," he says, "and I am it."
I'd heard this from him before, but never in terms of class struggle. It makes me laugh.
"At some point I hit a glass ceiling," he explains. "I think it was when I was born."
I laugh, hysterically. A corporate struggle.
"I'm glad you think this is funny."
I laugh again. He laughs a little, too.

My pants are on fire

I was trying to craft a response to an email I received from a coworker today, and I was weighing the best way to respond to it, when all of a sudden I felt this wave of nostalgia for my childhood. If you've ever heard about my childhood (think Dark Lord Sauron And His Family) you'll know this doesn't happen very often. I was nostalgic for the days when I spoke freely, bluntly, without too much pause or hesitation. When I could frown openly when I didn't like something, or gush crazily when I loved something.
It was no doubt tactless at times. But at least it was honest.

I didn't outgrow this honesty until after college. Still have some relapses, but you can safely say that the first amendment is not protected with vigor when I talk. Not that I lie. I rarely do that. But that's different than being totally honest.
I feel like some people pretend tact and sensitivity is better, somehow morally superior to plain old honesty. It's not. That's one of these lies someone with overblown etiquette righteousness (a miserable fucking thing, etiquette.) tries to pawn off on everybody. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about tender honesty. I'm all about trying to be considerate and treating people with respect. The Golden Rule. All that shit. But that respect has warped into the worst kind of double talk and subterfuge. I'll have to come up with examples because I'm being all abstract again which means NOBODY is going to fucking comment on this post.
What I am saying is that speaking honestly is something I see rarely. (And ranty blowhards like meself don't count.)
It's just sad. Given ALL the ways to communicate, we've become completely inept at doing it honestly with each other. It's also, coincidentally, a way of excluding others, of wielding power, a way of keeping power. Alleged uranium enrichment in Niger comes to mind. But other more banal scenarios come to mind, too: buying a house in a nice neighborhood or getting a promotion.
I gotta go write this email.

A little lost

Best new character: Juliet. Best episode in a long time. Jack is such a doooooofus.