Every now and then my true social ineptitude shines. My mouth advances before my brain and I remember why I should never say words.
So, here's the deal: I have very few talents in life: one of them is that I am masterful at parking my car in tight spaces. So, whenever I'm behind any car in the office parking garage -- which has only tight spaces -- I know it's going be an ETERNITY before they inch themselves into the space.
So I was pleasantly surprised today when I followed a black BMW 525i into my parking garage and, in one handsome turning swoop, it glided into a tight space next to a pillar. I was impressed. The sun was shining, there were other good parkers in the world, and I became Chatty McChatwell.
The fellow who parked his car got into the elevator with me.
"Were you the one who parked next to the pillar just now?" I asked.
"Yes, I was."
"Great job, that was very well done, you did it in one turn."
"Why thank you," he said appreciatively.
We both chuckle.
"I just appreciate good park."
Pause.
Pause.
What in the holy mother of god fuck did I just say?
I appreciate good park??????
I might as well have said, "You give good park." Or "Wanna park sometime, big fella?". Or "Here, touch my boob."
Thankfully he swam right past it and said
"My car has a very good turning radius."
He then proceeded to flirt. Of course, comporting myself like two-bit hooker didn't have anything to do with it, i'm sure.
8 years ago
4 comments:
Wait! Were you comporting yourself like *a* two-bit hooker, or like two-bit Hooker? (note the cap, ha ha! The first inside joke on your blog -- SLAM DUNK, SANDS! Oops - did I just give away my last name? Is that allowed?). Seriously, this is hilarious. Like Sex in the City funny. Except Samantha would have made a joke about the turning radius on her Vulva, er, Volvo, or something Swedish.
Impressive. You are not only funny, but you are also formidably adept at the detailed use of fonts that capture a rainbow of cadences and inflections. A comment kudos to you.
Sean's dancing around, doing a twisting dance that can only be described as fabulous, yelling "Comment kudos from an Indian girl!" You made his day.
WTF?!?!? Who are you, Mermaid, and how can you see my patented Comment Kudo Dance? I thought I was alone. But if we could pause a moment, did you really think it was fabulous? Because I thought I needed to add a little kick at the end, just before my final dismount and the part with the sparklers shooting out of my, well, never mind...
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